When I saw others posting about the ten year challenge, I thought oh this will be fun! 😆 I searched my old facebook posts for the 30 year old me!
There she was the younger version of me. I wasn’t prepared for the sticker shock coming. 😳 I was young, motivated, beautiful and perfect just the way I was (although I couldn't see it at the time). This version of my younger self was in pain, I felt so much pressure to perfect according to society, to be a mom that knew how to parent without hurting her kids in the process, and of course hold a smile that would look like all really was perfect. Nothing I did was ever good enough, I never felt enough.
I thought that if I worked hard enough, was skinny enough, was pretty enough and I was able to hold a job, be a good mom, the perfect wife, and still look good I would have made it! I would have been enough, then. So I spent some years chasing enough. 🏃🏻♀️
I spent my time and money 💰 on things to fix the outside me. I paid for implants, veneers, tummy tuck, lipo (More than once), personal trainers, meal plans, nice things, and permanent makeup. All of that and I was still in pain. I still did not feel enough. I was still in pain and had no idea what was missing. If I could just ____ then I would feel good about myself.
And when the double whammy of cancer hit my family (Jacob and myself) and none of that shit even mattered. And all I wanted was for my son to be better, happy, thriving and myself to live to see my kids grow up. So our money went to healthcare, doctor bills and medications. We were surviving.
After the treatments and 2 years of being right smack in the middle of cancer, I knew there was more to life. I knew the company I built that provided my family with all the extras was no longer where my heart was. I knew the long hours, responsibility, and stress was no longer worth the paycheck for me. I was ready for a change, I was ready to use what cancer taught me to help others.
Instead of placing my money towards things that showed others I was okay, perfect, put together, I put that money towards me. I invested in coaching school, coaches, healers, and anything I could find to help me resolve the pain on the inside of me.I worked through a lot of heavy stuff and I continue to invest in myself not because I am chasing enough but because I am enough right here right now. Perfectly imperfect and I know that outside stuff may make me feel better temporarily but the inside stuff is golden. I'm lighter, more connected, kind, loving, present and free.
If you are searching for enough, trust me when I say it is already in you. You too, are enough right here right now. 💖