2010- What you are missing out on is right in front of you.
We had moved from Utah back to New Mexico. When BIll and I met he swept me away to Montana and for whatever reason I never felt like I had a choice. And all I thought about was my old life friends and family in New Mexico. In moving back so much had changed, I realized I hadn’t missed anything except for the time I spent thinking about what I was missing. Back to Utah we went.
2011- Home is not a physical place.
Back in Utah we realized home was within us, we had lived in New Mexico twice, Montana, and Utah for the second time. Bill called Montana home, I called New Mexico home. AND we realized how important our little family was and that we can make anywhere “home” as long as we were together.
2012- How beautiful and freeing it was to get outside and play.
We purchased a travel trailer and camped a ton from May to September. We hiked, fished, cooked, ate, drank, sat around the campfire, visited with friends, laughed, and played. As the next few years came, I forgot how important it was to play. I am taking this with me in 2020.
2013-Living separate lives is not for us.
Bill had taken a Job in Ely Nevada and we were still living in Utah. He was gone for 4 days and home for 3. Life got super uncomfortable, as it was hard to manage 3 boys on my own. Not only that we enjoyed being together, no amount of money was worth the separation.
2014- If you don’t like being in a box, get out of the box!
I spent a lot of years working for other people, and I was always intrigued by small companies. As I worked for them, I saw things I would do differently. I was determined, motivated, driven, and hard working. I wasn’t one that needed a lot of direction therefore I thought I should be able to make my own rules. Maybe I want to work from home, maybe when my work is done I can leave early and hang with my kids. My employer didn't like that. So I left and made my own company and as I hired the dedicated, hardworking type, I allowed them those perks I wanted. ProFile Transaction Management was born!
We also moved to Vernal, Utah to be together as a family.
2015-When you are met with extreme grief and heartbreak search deep within for gratitude.
Jacob was 13 and my fear of all the things he could get into pushed him away. 400 miles away to New Mexico with his Dad. There was a part of me that thought that is what I wanted and when he was gone I knew that wasn't true.
I thought I was pretty resilient and this was something I struggled to overcome. My heart just ached, and ached and the guilt was eating me alive.
I actually googled how to feel better ( I don’t remember the exact words). In my journal from this time you will find a list of gratitude and a list of what I loved about my son. Although my healing from this would take years, this was a huge step in the right direction. Replaying and beating myself up was not serving me or my family.
2016- There is an overwhelming amount of loving supportive people in this world.
Bill was laid off from his job in Vernal and that brought us to Sahuarita. Shortly after our move Jacob was diagnosed with stage 3 anaplastic large cell non Hodgkin's lymphoma. The support we received during this time was magical. From family, to friends, to my profile family, to wrestling community, and people we never even knew or met. We will forever be grateful for that.
2017- Start being present and show up to your life today!
As I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer the same time Jacob is being told his cancer isn't gone and he needs a bone marrow transplant. Both of us given a 30% chance of survival.
There was a deep fear of leaving my family, how were they going to remember me? Was I proud of the person I was and the impact I would leave? The mom, the wife, the friend, the boss?
My tomorrow wasn’t promised, none of ours is. Yes it's great to have goals and work towards our dreams, but don't forget to enjoy your time right now.
I can tell you there are 5 million other lessons from cancer but for the purpose of this timeline, I chose to share one.
2018- Pay attention to what you are attached to, notice if it's serving you.
I spent 2018 done with my main line of treatments and waiting for the next shoe to drop on my head. I mean they told me I had stage 4 breast cancer and everyone talks about how there is no cure. I would be lucky to live past 5 years. So that is what I carried around with me. My scans and appointments would show this fear, a spot on my lung, a lump in my clavicle, my thyroid lighting up, and hip pain- it must be in my bones.
Starting coaching school probably saved my life. Through coaching I realized I had a death grip on this identity of cancer. I was attached to those statistics and I was closed off to any positive information. Why? I guess because if I could claim my own death, I didn't have to worry about anything else. One day it hit me, I didn’t want cancer. I mean no one ever really wants cancer, but I had to release this fear and this waiting for the shoe to drop. As I said to myself “ I don’t want cancer anymore” my whole body filled with chills and I just knew my cancer was gone to never come back. I have never had another funky scan, pain, lump or bump since. Coincidence or not, it doesn't matter, as I am no longer living in fear of dying.
2019- Start talking about what you want and stop talking about what you don't want.
As I was dreaming about 2020 and all the magic that is going to happen. My little fear monster stepped asking me how am I going to pull “this” off and who am I do “that”. Something told me to go through my old journals. I found 2018 and I found, dreams of moving on from ProFile, and letting go of the fear of dying and I remembered!! I remembered I spent this year 2019 talking about what I wanted! I chose health, I chose living and I chose selling ProFile, and I chose coaching! AND that is what I got!
So tell me what you WANT for 2020!!??